26 June 2018

Waiting, not necessarily with any hope

Three weeks from today, I should hear in response to a score I submitted. Of course, I sent it in, in hopes of being selected (and, performed… and recognized, &c.) But I don’t feel I can nourish much hope. The first caution is, I have participated in calls with this organization a few times before, but my work was not selected. The second caution is, I know from experience with several ensembles dedicated to new music, that many (of even those with whom I have personal contact) find my work easy to reject. I shan’t speculate as to why. What purpose would be served by such speculation? So that I change my work to suit them? But I won’t change my work. I’ve been at it for years, and have reached a state of being highly artistically satisfied with the result. Why water it down, or introduce elements I don’t believe in, or cram into Procrustes’ B&B, when they're only going to prefer the work of those they have already decided it is their mission to support?

This is no cynicism.  It is experience of non-response from a certain organization, further tempered by having recently met another group which will not see to performing my work until Hell sees a significant cooling trend.

Why write of this sober assessment of a bleak environment?—I mean, bleak for my work, although an environment in which some others flourish, some of them even achieving celebrity. Because I feel with my bones that I am doing good work; and even though at present I am given scant external recognition for the character and quality of the work, it is just possible that in the future, still, an appreciation for my work will expand beyond this core of kind Henningmusick enthusiasts.

For such an expansion, it is necessary that I continue to do my work.

That, then, is one reason to keep at it. But it is not the main reason.

The main reason is, it is work that I love, and my ear rejoices in the result of the work.

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