Porridger’s Almanack (Breakfast of Ganglions)
— Yoda, performing “I’m the Slime”
A week ago, I was still dithering over whether to pull the trigger on
The Hot Rats Sessions. Could I find it cheaper anywhere? My first
thought was to try zappa.com. Natural enough, right? No dice.
Didn't find it there then, don’t find it there today. The only
apparently relevant search result was a three-CD issue, Funky
Nothingness. The blurb on zappa.com begins: ‘Funky Nothingness
is the “lost album” sequel to the iconic Hot Rats (1969)’
In the booklet, “Vaultmeister” Joe Travers writes: “With archival
releases from the vault it is normal to find different arrangements
of past tunes featured in live concerts and studio settings with other
bands, but actual NEW compositions are few and far between,
especially from within Zappa's golden years of the '60s and '70s.
Funky Nothingness delivers on all fronts showcasing Zappa's love for
rhythm and blues, picking up where Hot Rats left off with extended
instrumental workouts fusing rock, jazz, and classical elements into
music that can only be described as ZAPPA. The guitar work and
virtuoso musicianship are in full effect.” Expectations are therefore
high, and—to get briefly Meta—the Expectation is that those high
expectations will indeed be met. So, here we are.
Disc One is headed: Funky Nothingness, the album.
Disc Two: Zappa/Hot Rats '70—Session Masters and Bonus
Nothingness.
Disc Three: Zappa/Hot Rats '70—More Session Masters and Bonus
Nothingness.
Quick thoughts on Disc One:
I’ve listened to the first disc, which is the speculatively ‘reconstructed’
album itself. Enjoyable, plenty of good stuff. I’m suppressing a weak
tendency towards prejudice against the project. After all, in the first
place, recordings/performances which are worth hearing have been
made available to us. And in the second, the methodology is on the same
lines of Burnt Weeny Sandwich and Weasels Ripped My Flesh. I’m still
mulling. Welp, and when we got to track 12, the sound cut out several
times. Defective disc? I’ve ripped it, and am now listening to the track via
Media Monkey to check. The problem may be my machine? It’s very old,
to be sure. And now, it won’t even receive the disc to play at all. Other discs
still play fine. And the erstwhile uncooperative track plays on Media Monkey
fine. Do I really care if that one disc and my machine don’t get along?...
Now, there’s a certain You play the game with the team you’ve got aspect
to this, but I’ll go ahead and register as a disappointment the fact that
designating the “lost album.” and therefore this 3-CD release, “Funky
Nothingness” (a title which seems to promise so much) after a track which
runs less than two minutes. I’ll stipulate that it’s a highly interesting
108 seconds, but “Don’t Blink or You’ll Miss It” isn’t the spiffiest idea for a
title track. Much more substantial (and of correspondingly greater interest)
and equally new to us lay listeners is the 13-minute “Twinkle Tits.” Now, of
course, no one need enlighten me as to how poor advice it had been to title
the album thus—Heck, I almost physically wince to type those two words.
That technical disappointment noted, overall musically I find the album
a gratifying listen.
First thoughts on Disc Two: all good. It’s possible that if you had asked me
before listening, which tracks I expected I should find the most interesting,
I might have trended towards the longer tracks, but this was, simply, my
experience. “Chunga’s Revenge” (Take 5) at 16 minutes and a quarter, the
18-minute-plus unedited master of “Transylvania Boogie” (fascinating for
all the musical material different to the 5-minute track which opens the
album Chunga’s Revenge as released, a 15-minute unedited master of
“Sharleena,” and—consistent with remarks above—“Twinkle Tits.”
First thoughts on Disc Three: all good, too. Take 8 of “Chunga’s Revenge”
features an especially tasty organ solo (either Don “Sugarcane” Harris or Ian
Underwood, I could only guess which) and if you need a reason for
another sinuous Zappa solo, you may be in the wrong place (I mean, you’re
welcome, all the same.) Compared to the 1:23 track as it appeared
on the album Chunga’s Revenge, we enjoy nearly 16 minutes of freewheeling
percussion in unedited masters of “The Clap.” “Halos and Arrows” is
a three-minute “guitar experiment” with Zappa playing all the instruments,
which, Travers writes, “was not meant to be saved.” “Moldred,” a wah-wah-
marinated composite of otherly bits. Most substantially, we have a 22-minute
unedited master of “Tommy/Vincent Duo” (whoever they might have been.)
The actual duelists are Zappa and Aynsley Dunbar, a drummer with whom
Zappa began working in 1970. From this mammoth master, about seven
minutes were excerpted for two tracks on the putative Funky Nothingness
album. And, also in the “otherly bits” column, Disc Three closes with
“Fast Funky Nothingness,” a 45-second bluesy shufflette which was “found
on a two-track reel full of snippets and oddities.” And truly, of course there
are no snippets and oddities in the musical world like unto Zappa snippets
and oddities.
Is this Phase One of Chunga’s Revenge?
Now, let me return to Disc One. Mitigating against the disappointment noted
above, following the 108 seconds of “Funky Nothingness” with 44 seconds’
worth of “Tommy/Vincent Duo I” is a creative solution, and as with so many
of FZ’s own musico-chemical alloys (that’s got to be a mixed metaphor, but let it
ride) the result is perfectly smooth. This album plays very nicely in toto,
indeed. Can’t play it in the CD player, but I’m not sure I care, ultimately.
There are bigger problems in the world.
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